Want change? Elect some PGA TOUR players

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Zach Johnson in the House of Representatives? What do you think?

There are former athletes and entertainers serving in Washington, D.C., and many state governments. From Jesse "The Body" Ventura and the "Governator" to Sonny Bono and Fred Grandy (Gopher from The Love Boat), laws often have been shaped by sportsmen and stars.

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No former or current PGA TOUR player I can remember has ever run for office of any kind, though. That doesn't make a lot of sense. PGA TOUR players are generally well-educated, usually informed and often passionate about things other than the spike rule or the new groove regulations proposed by the USGA. Have you ever heard Jim Furyk talk Steelers football? That is true passion.

Inspired by the presidential debate that monopolized my television Tuesday night, here are a few possible TOUR players who may someday hear a higher calling. (And you didn't think that anyone was inspired by the debate.) But to set parameters that make this topical, the proposed list of candidates had to be playing in this week's Valero Texas Open.

The first is easy: Jeff Gove for governor of the state of Washington. The Seattle native is affable, handsome and talks to people easily. Besides, his nickname is one of the best on TOUR -- Governor. With name recognition like that, who could possibly beat him? One of his platforms could be a bridge to Vancouver Island. Now that is bridge that goes somewhere. Plus, it helps with international relations.

How about Zach Johnson for the U.S. House of Representatives? There isn't a district in Iowa that wouldn't elect him. After Zach won the Masters in 2007, he was asked how it would change him. He said that he would be the same kid from Iowa that he has always been, and to his credit, he hasn't changed. Furthermore, even the least inspired campaign manager could come up with a slogan from that comment. The only problem is that Zach probably couldn't afford the pay cut.

Joe Ogilvie could be the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. Of course, I am going to have to go out on a few limbs here. Joe does have an economics degree from Duke. Obviously, that piece of sheepskin alone won't lead the country out of the mess that we are in at the moment. But he has Warren Buffet's phone number and that may be enough. Besides, Joe is a bulldog and we live in tough times. Heck, I wish Joe was in charge of my retirement plan.

And Tom Pernice Jr. should run for sheriff. Tom has been called "Tom Police" because of his dogmatic approach to the governing of the PGA TOUR. It may seem that someone with this background would serve better in a legislative role. In Tom's case, though, I think the red tape would be far too frustrating. And besides, he is one of the few TOUR players who may be diplomatic enough to carry a sidearm every day.

Frank Lickliter II is a shoe-in for president of the NRA. Since the late Charlton Heston stepped down as president in 2003, the gun lobby hasn't been quite as vocal as it was when the guy who played Moses said you could have his gun only when you "pried it out of my cold, dead hands." Frank can bring that same enthusiasm to the job. He has bullet holes in his Hummer, for goodness sake. Don't see too many of those in the parking lot at TPC Sawgrass.

A few others in brief:

• Tommy Armour III and Bob Tway should head up a Social Security task force since they are the closest to collecting. Besides, they both played when TOUR players didn't get rich -- and they may actually need their retirement plans. If the kids in the field manage to stick around as long as these two, they will never have to worry about it.

• David Duval should be Deputy Director of the FBI because he is smart enough to handle any job you give him -- and this job could use someone like that.

• Vaughn Taylor could be Deputy Director of the CIA. No player has made more money more quietly than VT. Heck, his nickname is "Ninja" because you never know when he is behind you.

• Bob Heintz should run for Secretary of Education. He is the only player on TOUR who went to Yale -- and yes, he graduated. He should get a two-year exemption just for that.

• Olin Browne is a cinch for head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee because Nick Faldo smiled when he shook Olin's hand after the Ryder Cup. Allegedly, that is.

• Chris DiMarco is my choice for director of the FCC so that he and I can both say whatever we want on the radio without getting in trouble.

• Jerry Kelly is the people's choice for governor of Wisconsin because he lives there on purpose -- and loves it. (This one probably cost me a few free dinners.)

You'll notice I didn't put any of these fine players in a subservient roll. TOUR players don't take orders very well. Obviously, in limiting myself to the field at the Valero Texas Open, I've left off some of the biggest names in the game. Now it is your turn -- who would you elect for a political office from today's or yesterday's PGA TOUR?